One time my dad was out deep sea fishing with his best friend Ben. They rescued a scuba diver who had lost his group and was out of oxygen. My dad was glad because he felt a small karmic shift and he sent me this photo and said "look what I caught!".

Also a couple of days ago my brother and I woke up and there was a man with no clothes on sleeping in the living room. 

It is after a party and it's sticky and it's bright.  The bad feelings have returned,  the bad feelings have returned! In a taxi last night we almost got in an accident, I noticed I wasn't bracing myself for impact but anticipating it excitedly. We stopped just short. I fantasized about getting hit by a car and walked a very long distance home.

i dont want my neck to waddle
why does the elastic sink into the earth?
perhaps to keep this place together

perhaps to keep the whole goddamn thing from floating into space.

I still feel sad about Aaron Swartz dying.

watching julie light her cigarettes on the stove and talk about california and talk about her time reigning queen makes me feel like a little kid or a house plant. she cocks her head to the side, i like the way the smoke looks through the sun from the big windows, i remember that i am meant to agree, and i do. i agree all day long and watch my own private movie. we are sharing something, i am watching her and she is being watched. i am getting paid.

I found a it!!!!!

NSFW fractal

If I were in a rock n roll band, the fake name I would use to check into hotels would be Francine Pascal. 

IN FLORIDA THERE ARE HURRICANES

I called my dad

because it started raining hard

and Alabama was shaking in my arms 

to say

"well, it's been nice knowing you"

we talked about my mother out shopping at target, or, because of the hour, seeing her boyfriend

I said I wanted to get in one more game of spades before the end

anxious to get back

to his own head, televised escape, the comfort of his chair

he rushed me off the phone

but in love, and in light of the apocalypse, he said

"allright daughter, it's been real"

a cloud in my brain that coffee can't fix

have the lights always looked like this?

who put these bugs under my skin

cough up organs

swallow them back again

black again black again

DID YOU GET THE ALERT?!!!!!!

For some reason this made me laugh. 

Yesterday at work Nena told me that 'I would be so beautiful if I would just "doo doo doo" and then she made a motion like plucking her eyebrows.  She told me Julie had tweezers in her bathroom and said "just clean a little, so beautiful".

My brother ordered some cologne on Amazon that was highly rated. I have taken to spraying a lot of it on myself every day. I don't know if it smells good but it reminds me of my dad when he has to get dressed up. Makes me feel small and at home. Cologne cologne! Cologne for all the people. 

I have not responded to love letters. 

FIRE ESCAPE

Today after the shower I noticed the sunlight in a new room. I couldn't resist stepping out onto it naked with my wet hair down my back. I stood on the side of the building and watched the day down below and watched it not watch me.

Moving out of my house and leaving 3 fake roses, my name written on the windowsill, a star hanging from the ceiling that says "What Was I Dreaming?", bloody mary mix, a lot of perfectly good q-tips and all bad intentions.