One of the things that feels strange to me about a funeral is the way people review it after.
"a lovely service"
"one of the best i've been to"
Dr. Hafner reminds me with a smile that, "it is a celebration, after all" when I tell him it seems weird to me to eat. I don't tell him that the reason I don't eat is that I think the food will taste like a body.
It's not until I am sitting outside on the asphalt in the middle of a parking spot that I realize the religious connotations.
Take this, all of you, and drink from it.
My hair still smells like New York. I landed just a few hours ago. A world away already. The gentle breeze and her small shoulders sitting in the front row when I walked in. Small shoulders and hair washed and combed. Small shoulders that shook with laughter mistaken for sobs when the woman speaking mispronounced her sisters name.
I haven't seen many of these people in a long time and their faces all look puffy.
I can't find anything else to talk about so I keep bringing up the thing about the food. A girl I haven't seen since high school and I discuss this as a way to not have to talk about anything else. Later I see her at the buffet with a plate of brownies and cold cuts and I can tell she feels uncomfortable eating in front of me. It is unspoken in her hand between us. I want to tell her I don't think she is going back on what we talked about, really it was just a way to have something to talk about, and oh what a mess!
What no good kooks all of us.
The body and blood of Christ.
And then there is the ownership. It is similar at weddings, who was closer to the bride and groom? The recently deceased and the newly wedded become the celebrities and everyone wants to know them the best. Sharing memories like proud mothers displaying report cards. We are all little bugs. Florida is full of us. We make noises at night and act out alien subroutines.
I love all
the people.
painful love
painful love is the only kind.
painful love and lipstick outside the lines.
painful love and a shopping spree that Sookie prescribed.
painful love and the passing of time.
"a lovely service"
"one of the best i've been to"
Dr. Hafner reminds me with a smile that, "it is a celebration, after all" when I tell him it seems weird to me to eat. I don't tell him that the reason I don't eat is that I think the food will taste like a body.
It's not until I am sitting outside on the asphalt in the middle of a parking spot that I realize the religious connotations.
Take this, all of you, and drink from it.
My hair still smells like New York. I landed just a few hours ago. A world away already. The gentle breeze and her small shoulders sitting in the front row when I walked in. Small shoulders and hair washed and combed. Small shoulders that shook with laughter mistaken for sobs when the woman speaking mispronounced her sisters name.
I haven't seen many of these people in a long time and their faces all look puffy.
I can't find anything else to talk about so I keep bringing up the thing about the food. A girl I haven't seen since high school and I discuss this as a way to not have to talk about anything else. Later I see her at the buffet with a plate of brownies and cold cuts and I can tell she feels uncomfortable eating in front of me. It is unspoken in her hand between us. I want to tell her I don't think she is going back on what we talked about, really it was just a way to have something to talk about, and oh what a mess!
What no good kooks all of us.
The body and blood of Christ.
And then there is the ownership. It is similar at weddings, who was closer to the bride and groom? The recently deceased and the newly wedded become the celebrities and everyone wants to know them the best. Sharing memories like proud mothers displaying report cards. We are all little bugs. Florida is full of us. We make noises at night and act out alien subroutines.
I love all
the people.
painful love
painful love is the only kind.
painful love and lipstick outside the lines.
painful love and a shopping spree that Sookie prescribed.
painful love and the passing of time.
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